Like Drowning Without Fear
by SG1SamFan
Summary: "Nyota will never forget the horror on Spock's face when he realizes what he's said, what he's thought. He opens his mouth, trying to form the words that will make her forgive him for this complete and utter betrayal." An alien device joins Jim and Nyota's minds, and what they learn will bring them out of the darkness. Spock/Uhura, Kirk/Spock, Kirk/Spock/Uhura OT3.


A/N: This was written based on iambickilometer's prompt on the LJ Star Trek Into Darkness Kink Meme. (See end notes.)

I'm a little nervous about sharing this, because it feels so intensely personal. But I think that's a sign I ishould/i share it. No beta, just me.

* * *

The device looks innocuous, just a textured sphere of iridescent metal the size of an orange. Jim picks it up and passes it between his palms, studying the way the colors shift under the light from Raktar's two suns.

Raktar III is an M-class planet whose inhabitants are recovering from a world war a decade prior, which killed 90% of their population. With most of Raktar's best and brightest gone, technology practically litters this planet, devices that no one alive knows how to use. Which is why Jim really shouldn't have touched anything.

"What do you make of these symbols, Uhura?" he says as he hands the device to Nyota.

The moment both their hands are touching the sphere, it opens at its seams, and out pours a hot blue light.

When it's over, Nyota Uhura and Jim Kirk are connected as intimately as two people can be.

* * *

It's only 24 hours before Spock and McCoy are able to reverse the device's effects.

During that time, Nyota and Jim get to know each other uncomfortably well.

There's no shielding their thoughts from each other, no secrets at all. It's far deeper than the melds Nyota shares with Spock, melds which respect the most private corners of each others' minds.

Nyota is accustomed to Spock's ordered thoughts. Two human minds together – with no mental shields between them – is chaos.

Stress about the linguistics data she's missing out on collecting while they're incapacitated. Excitement at his short break from command, even under less-than-ideal circumstances. The occasional wave of fear that they'll never get their own minds back.

Then more.

* * *

After a mere hour of being joined with Jim's mind, Nyota knows exactly what Jim wants to do to her, and _Jim_ knows that _Nyota_ wants to let him, now that he's no longer a jerk.

Out loud, Jim would have said, "Hey! I was never a jerk."

Inside his mind, he's different.

_I'm still a jerk, you can hear my thoughts, how can you think I'm not a jerk?_

_You're different now, after you died,_ Nyota thinks. _We all are._

Nyota isn't sure who starts it. Once it begins, they can't help their errant thoughts tumbling Jim's body onto Nyota's, can't help but gasp in unison at the head of his cock slipping into her, the way she bites his shoulder like a Vulcan, the profound sensation when she tilts her hips and he hits that deep spot inside her.

They both come without their physical bodies even touching.

* * *

Nyota tries to teach Jim to meditate the way Spock taught her, but Jim falls asleep and drags her blissfully under with him.

* * *

Jim dreams about Spock, and Nyota is there with him as he makes a circle with his fingers around the base of his lover's cock, flicks at the slit with his tongue, and suddenly they're both awake, and they're making love to Spock, holding down his hips, swallowing him as deeply as they can before lifting up to suck firmly at the crown.

An instant later, Jim remembers how Spock tastes, the way his jaw slackens when he comes, remembers the soft way Spock almost smiles when he brushes Nyota's hair from her face, afterward.

Jim knows Spock's love, the way it feels like breathing deeply inside fire, like drowning without fear.

Then Nyota is drowning in cold water, clutching her chest.

_Fuck_

_Fuck I'm sorry didn't mean to, can't control wish I could touch him_

_I wish he loved me back_

_I'm sorry I'm hurting you I'll try to think of something else, baseball or something_

_stupid so stupid of course he doesn't_

_Vulcans can't love more than one person at once._

Touching makes the telepathy stronger, but Nyota doesn't care, just wraps all their limbs around each other, and they're crying.

McCoy disengages their minds an hour later. Jim tries to meet Nyota's eyes, but he's too tired.

* * *

Nyota has been in Jim's heart, seen how deeply he loves Spock, how much he cares for both of them. It's ripping into her to know how much Jim wants this, the way it hurts him every moment now that he knows exactly what he's missing.

Nyota watches the two of them, really watches them, for the first time.

And when Spock looks at Jim, his tender expression seems as open and clear as a child's.

Melds have places to hide.

Nyota needs Spock to stop hiding.

* * *

Nyota places Spock's fingers on her meld points, pins his hips down as roughly as she can, and takes him in her mouth with a deep moan.

She holds back her own mind and pushes Jim's imprint to the forefront, letting Jim think funny things, tender things, dark and beautiful things about Spock.

Jim swirls his tongue over the head like he's always imagined, sucks Spock down as deep as he can take him, like he can't get enough, it's never enough

_I love you Spock when I died, you said I was your friend but I was trying to say I love you I just didn't have the words, never the right words to say you make my soul want to be something brighter, something better I want you, want_

_you inside me inside you_

_everything_

And just like that, Spock is coming down Jim's throat, bitter and salty and perfect, perfect,

"Jim."

_I love you_

_never want to lose you again can't ever watch you die again_

_I love you_

* * *

Nyota will never forget the horror on Spock's face when he realizes what he's said, what he's thought.

He opens his mouth, trying to form the words that will bring her back to him and make her forgive him for this complete and utter betrayal.

But she just puts her finger to his lips and shakes her head. "I had to show you. There's been too much pain."

Spock looks lost and afraid, and Nyota kisses his cheek, his eyelids. "I love you, and you love me. And Jim loves you, and you love him. And I just want all of us to be happy. Okay?"

Spock's nostrils flare, and he pulls Nyota tight against him, wrapping his limbs around her. She feels him sob, just once, with such profound relief that Nyota's eyes fill with tears.

"It's gonna be okay, baby," she says. "It'll be okay."

* * *

Nyota can feel Jim at the edges of Spock's mind. The light meld will ease them into this, Nyota said, will let them see that there's nothing shameful about their feelings for each other.

Jim is nervous, so Nyota thinks, _Calm_, and Spock amplifies the thought, for himself as much as for Jim.

Nyota takes Jim's left hand and places it on Spock's waist, right over his heart.

Then Jim leans forward tentatively, so slowly, not at all like the Jim that Nyota knew before. He presses his open mouth to Spock's neck.

For a few moments Jim just pants, breathing in Spock and trying to keep from falling over. Then he laughs, and his arms come up under Spock's shoulders. Spock's hand slides into Jim's hair, and they're kissing for the first time, and inside the meld it feels like summer rain, like they're crying, like love.

_Perfect, _Nyota thinks. _So beautiful._

Nyota kisses them on the cheeks and gently disengages her mind from the meld. "Learn each other first," she says, stepping back to let them be together alone. "And when you're ready, I'll be here."

Spock and Jim look at her like she's beautiful, like she's given them the most profound gift.

_This_ is the gift, Nyota thinks. Spock's breath hitches as Jim grabs his hips and kisses him like he'll disappear.

As she leaves Jim's quarters for the rooms she shares with Spock, Nyota has never felt happier in her life.

* * *

iambickilometer's prompt:

In the aftermath of Into Darkness, Uhura has the bright idea to act like Kirk in bed with her Vulcan boyfriend. It's extremely effective. (Bonus if she can get him to say Jim's name)

If you're inclined to continue, afterward Spock tries to apologise, Uhura is having none of it (she initiated things, right?) but suggests that Spock maybe contemplate the human practice of polyamory and go get that captain of his


End file.
